Hey, sandy, Baby I got your Money Don’t you worry

Show me the money!!! I love Arab people!!!

Money here is the Bahraini Dinar (BD), and it’s broken into “fils” which I affectionately call “falafels.” I just have this great mental image of an old lady reaching into her purse to pull out a few fried garbanzo balls to pay for a newspaper.

Before flying out here, my company gave me a 100 falafel, ahem, fils coin for the pay phone. When I first got here, I tried to make a call and the phone ate my damn coin.

I withdrew some BD at the ATM and went promptly to the Dairy Queen to get change (yes the Dairy Queen establishment has a healthy presence in this kingdom). I handed over 2 BD to get two coins just in case.

The lady looks back annoyed, “We don’t have that much change.”

I’m thinking, “You’re a freaking Dairy Queen and you don’t have two 100 fils coins?

“Fine, just give me change for one,” and I took back one of the two bills.

She hands over TEN 100 fils coins, leaving me totally confused.

Given that I was expecting only one coin, and that I received 10, I figured there is only an upside to this, so I walked away with a pocketful of coins.

Soon thereafter, I realized that 1 Bahraini Dinar = 1,000 fils. Silly me, but I’ve never come across a currency that’s split to 1,000 instead of 100. If you do know of any others outside the middle east, please do share.

Now the sad part of this story is that after almost 7 weeks of working for this company, the 100 falafels I got for the phone call is the only salary I’ve received.

I was supposed to be paid monthly, but the efficiency of our esteemed accountant, not to mention the entire banking system here, is plainly suspect. The first time around they asked for only my routing and checking number. When I asked if they need a Swift code or other bank info, they said, “Oh no, we do this all of the time, this is all we need.”

Ten days later… transaction declined… AofA’s still yellin’ “Show me the money!”

I call back the accountant, this time provide him with all the bank info and tell him to try it again. I tell him to put it through right away, but he can’t. Our bank is Saudi, and Thursday Friday is their weekend, so the earliest he can do it is Saturday. Saturday Sunday are US banking holidays, and then the shit practically starts all over again.

“So when can expect the funds in my bank?”

“Don’t worry, you should have it next week, Insha’Allah.”

Ah!!! The holy, yet somewhat nefarious, “Insha’Allah!!!”

If you ever hear the word “Insha’Allah” in reference to a deadline, you might as well be waiting for the cows to come home. Insha’Allah literally means “God Willing,” and it can be used in a really nice warm spiritual sort of way. But my experience is that it is often used as a blanket excuse for people’s laziness and incompetence— passing the buck from personal ownership to a higher power. In my time here, I’ve heard “Insha’Allah” regarding the arrival of our rental car, our office cell phones, my paycheck, and Nishi’s visa. All overdue, but doubtfully because of Allah’s will.

Now my salary should be significantly more than the 100 fils for a phone call. My bank account next week should be credited with enough dinars to buy plenty of falafels, Insha’Allah.

Forget ODB, until I get paid, I’m OSB, “Ol’ Sandy Bastard.”